Advice

Love

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:54:00 -0400

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled
and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy
fill you to the tips of your fingers and
toes without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself:
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake and

shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘yes!’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair,weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what you or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder.

Grief

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:46:00 -0400

THE STAGES OF GRIEF

A Normal Life Process

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages Of Grief

Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Grief And Stress

During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.

Recovering From Grief

Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached.

Rejection

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:32:00 -0400

Rejection and How To Deal with It

With the statistics pointing out to more than 75% of relationships ending up
with failure we will all have to experience refutation a few times during
the course of our life and one of the most difficult experiences to deal
with is indeed "rejection".

Rejection may come from many sources and some of those causes can be somehow
ridiculous for some but extremely serious for others. Incidentally the most
common reason for rejection is a feeling of inadequacy and a fear of failure
from your partner. Regardless of the reason your significant other is
dropping you is still devastating to the ego. The list is endless but let me
mention a few reasons why you could be dropped.

A lack of communication
A lack of chemistry
A lack of mental support
A lack of sexual activity
A lack of understanding
A lack of good health
A lack of spirituality

One must remember that you can only perceive someone's view through your own
senses, your own stars (UCI or Unique Celestial Identity) and most of all
your education and experiences. Often friends and family members may not
agree with your love choice. Here are more reasons for them to do so.

Ethnicity
Age
Status
Education
Wealth
Past

Note that your loved ones or close friends really believe what they preach
and what they perceive as being good or bad for you. Most of the time they
are only seeing their own world and subconsciously regurgitating their own
inner fears on you. This is especially the case if the people are older and
thinks they know better than you do. Often a hidden jealousy feeling can
also support the fear of never finding love and if "I can't or may not find
love then why should you before me?" In some case fear and insecurity steers
the behavior of a sibling for not supporting your relationship and risk a
form of humiliation. For instance I am older than you are thus I should
marry before you. Or insecurity such as; I can't let you spend too much time
with your lover he can't have you that much. The phobic reason for
motivating someone to go a specific way is usually well hidden in his or her
own subconscious. Your "benefactor" is totally unaware of the behind the
scene stimulus but will be legitimacy concerned for your welfare. In most of
the cases under the constant pressure and the need to please others, the new
"Psyche" predominate and lead to the decision-making.

But be sure because you have been dropped doesn't mean your partner is
having a good time doing so. The question is that he/she now has to deal
with GUILT.Especially if you did not do anything wrong to them and behaved
intelligently and lovingly all along the duration of your relationship.

Often one of the partner will chose to lie to avoid hurting the person's
feelings directly. A forced separation or meeting/dealing with a nice new
person brings a myriad of new feelings and put the weak relationship in
jeopardy. I know for sure any woman is set naturally to love and respect her
lover almost immediately and only under specific circumstances would a woman
decide to break up her relationships.

Be sure that many questions arise to the mind of your lover before making
the decision to let you go. Very often sleepless night, confusion tears and
a good dose of guilt is present.
It feels like being caught in a sandwich wondering who has to be hurt. What's
your priority you may ask yourself? Well shall I make all those people that
care so much for me happy? If I do so they wont harass me no more as I have
to live with them.

And what about my lover now? How do I tell him/her that it's over? He/she
never done anything wrong but logically speaking I must do the right thing.
It's simply a nightmare for both party and regardless of the reasons it's
going to hurt both of you severely. In my crazy life I have been on both
side of the scale and each time the profound wounds took months to heal.
Because humans are machine of habits, t he longer you stay in a relationship
the harder the break.

I firmly believe women should be treated with love and respect no matter
what and I absolutely disprove of any form of chauvinistic brutal attitude
regardless of the motivation. I know from experience that there is only a
fine red line with any women and once a man crosses this line there is
absolutely NO return for the abuser. In the name of love or security a woman
can take a tremendous amount of abuse and stay in a harmful relationships
for a very long period of time. Only when she has exhausted all her options
will she finally free herself from the damaging relationship. This is a
valuable argument and "dropping" her partner is a must.

However the situation changes if you are the good guy and feel victimized or
thinks of it as a deplorable injustice done to you. Well once you collect
yourself from the shock a myriad of emotions and thoughts will have to be
dealt with.

If you are a bad person simply "cry about it" and learn your lesson to treat
your lover properly, and you simply deserve what happened to you. Grow up,
behave decently, stop drinking or doing drugs, realize your mistakes, be
responsible, work harder and understand that women are not toys but living
feeling respectable souls. Some bullies wont take NO for an answer and will
make some unlucky women's lives miserable with threats or long messages
begging for forgiveness. In some extreme case the police will be the only
option to stop the nightmare.

If you think you are a "victim" then lets start the healing process.

You will be in denial for a while and refuse the all the facts.
You will wonder why you have been dropped and your ego will be badly
smashed.
You will have many mixed emotions and in some case become very resentful.
You will "review" the movie many times wondering what went wrong.
You will hate all the people you may think are responsible for the break up.
You will probably cry heavily and feel very sad and at time totally empty.
In some case you will need spiritual help as to regenerate your wounded
spirit but in no case addict yourself to antidepressants. (Read "SOS to the
world" and realize the power of Neptune from my home page).

What to do and NOT to do:

Realize that your future is the reincarnation of your thoughts, thus the
faster you changes your thought process the easier for the healing process
to take place. Like a bad cigarette smoking habit that kills you, remove the
mental poison from your body, mind and spirit as soon as possible.

If he or she makes a request for you NOT to call simply DO NOT. Respect
their demand and be a better, stronger person. He or she will soon realize
your emotional depth and how much you mean business in all you do including
your love. Keep in mind that it is easier to win the lottery than to find
genuine love. In the constant search for love the people that have hurt you
will ALWAYS remember they were once truly loved and this will be in itself a
for ever reminder of the good thing they had and thrown away.

Avoid places where you went, as your subconscious will trig you into painful
memory by association. Let me explain, if the person drives a specific car
you will immediately associate the car with the person and your
heartbreaking experience and feel real bad. So don't put yourself in a
situation where you could do damage to your psyche. Avoid listening to sad
soft music. Change rhythm he or she asked you to move on, do so. Like you
they are also having a bad time; don't think you are the only one with
feelings.

Avoid drinking at all cost and avoid complaining to others. However find a
way to "relieve" yourself and regenerate. Get busy, go out, meet new friends
they will bring about your wishes be sure of that.

You are dying and rebirthing into a new person thus REMOVE ALL that could
remind you of that person. He/she MUST become a stranger to your life again;
Undo the damage inflicted upon your body, mind and spirit, no one will help
you really but you. You are in charge and demand the Universe to bring you
someone who will appreciate your priceless love and your gifts. I know it's
hard to do at the early stages of a break but your happiness depend on your
thoughts and actions.

Put all the pictures, presents, letters etc. in a box and then trash or put
them away. NEVER ever ask for the presents you gave him/her and DO NOT TAKE
anything away. Doing so gives away your inner fears of being manipulated or
insecurity. Trust me in time this person will become the individual she/he
was the night before you guys met. Now if any of the person keeps it all
there are still some deep feelings that must be dealt with and time is the
essence.

Do not nurture feelings of insecurity; resentments and revenge instead,
rebuild your self-esteem. Exercise harder, become more magnetic, educate
yourself more, be more competitive, take a chance, go out more, travel and
do all it takes to upgrade to a new, a better you. Any break up has always
stimulated me to become much more and much better than I already am. This is
why I always found better because I know who I am and what I have to offer
and that is the BEST to that lucky girl.

Like me, YOU are priceless and a beautiful human being and this person came
into your life for a specific purpose. If you have to recall anything simply
be thankful for all the great time you had. This individual made you feel
alive, wanted and so special in so many ways and guess what? You are. How
can you attract a new lover if you hate yourself? How can you ask for
happiness if you are not happy, secure and safe within? A magnet will not
attract a piece of wood, you MUST upgrade your vibrations, love yourself
more and bring your vitality and magnetism to a much higher level. The right
person for you is around the corner.

Well remember that life is a process of changes and what happened is nothing
else than a wish in disguise. He or she could NOT bring you what you really
needed and truly wanted so the Universal order made that decision for you,
so take it, deal with it and be strong.

You may want someone more attractive, more spiritual, older, younger,
smarted, wealthier or simply dedicated to you but most of all someone that
can recognize and appreciate the real you and your true love. This person
did not see that in you or could not appreciate it so why wasting it? This
world is loaded with great people make yourself available to them NOW.

What you have to offer is priceless and that is YOU, a beautiful,
invaluable, unique human being destined to do miracles, enjoy true love and
respects all other human beings. You would never hurt anyone and you MUST
only and truly offer YOU, your body, mind and spirit for that special person
only. Guess what you may also be looking for your true soul mate and for
sure she/he was not the one. But be happy because now you are free and can
aim for that special person and reward him/her with the deepest, strongest
and purest form of love a human being is able to offer another.

Be at peace with yourself, be happy with yourself and trust your future
mostly because the universe knows better than you do and will always take
care of you. Lastly believe like I do and don't doubt that you can only find
much better and in my case, it has proven to be right each time.

Regardless of the reason involving a break up in the majority of cases both partners somehow do suffer both emotionally and financially.

In the ocean of existence my wounded heart is reaching for your magic.
A tear of shade blinds my aspiration but just for the blink of an eye.
I know soon your loving heart and wise soul to be before me.
There is only but you, one bright star in the vastness of the universe.

Blessings to all

Dr. Turi